Friday 25 January 2013

SHARING PERSPECTIVES WITH RESPECTFUL DIALOG

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy and David Malloy


There are some who refuse to think.. they just rearrange their prejudices.

--Dr. Robert Anthony


 This article has been previously published and we maintain copyright with the freedom to share it where we choose. It is also on some of our other forums and blogs. We welcome the opportunity to contribute to OV Times and enjoy exchanging views with others here.

 In our work as group leaders, life coaches and public speakers David and I have often been told that we should not discuss topics of religion, politics and  spirituality because someone might take offense. That has not been our experience. We have found that people with open hearts and minds can freely discuss most anything.

Our approach involves something we call "respectful dialog." This method allows each side to listen attentively so they can hear differing points of view. It requires understanding and acceptance...even when there is disagreement about the validity of any position.

 Respectful dialog is not about polarization through black/white/right/wrong thinking. It looks for common ground. Even when there does not appear to be any; there is a willingness to accept that people have a right to their opinions, choices and lifestyles...whether anyone else agrees or not. It is also an ability to open up to hard facts that differ from long held beliefs. Watching and listening in interactions with others reveals how open people actually are.

The biggest clue that they are not receptive to another point of view is the tendency to divert attention back to their position. They override, discredit and/or ignore what they perceive as an oppositing view so they can continue beating the drum about whatever they believe. We had one person who was bold enough to emphatically state, "I don't care what the facts are I believe what I think is "right." That loud clunk is the sound of minds' closing as they walk away muttering...'research and facts...who needs them...my mind is already made up 'in self-affirming mind chatter. All so they can remainw within their current level of consciousness and fixated, conditioned thinking.

 Spin doctors feed "trends" into the worldwide web and rather than verifying facts many news feeds pick it up and run without verifying much of anything. Then everyday people add momentum through social media and when enough people jump onto the bandwagon everything is  off to the races. Critical thinking goes out the window and people frequently create conspiracy theories without any hard evidence to back it up. You Tube is full of photo-shopped, spliced and at times poorly edited snippets that distort reality because they have small fragments of truth that many find believable.

Humanity is blessed in that we all have the opportunity to choose our path, grow our souls and learn life lessons...through the choices we make. It is accepted that none of us have control over much of what occurs through this journey called life. However, we all have absolute control over how we choose to respond to people and events.  In our view...the cause and effect of every thought and action has a ripple or "butterfly" effect. That is why we consistently suggest that every point of view has merit. That way differences do not have to create discord.

Challenges in communication arise when others are pointing fingers and saying their way is the best and only way. There are many out there who within their understanding of  God/Goddess or believe they are the chosen ones or have a calling beyond the rest. That belief, in and of itself is arrogant. Whether we're able to own the reality or not...everyone is a spark from the Divine in one way or another. We question and ask of ourselves and others: Who are we to judge? Who makes anyone else the authority in the lives of others? Are we ever really qualified to cast stones?

 We always try to bear in mind that we could be have an erroneous view about anything. We are far enough along the path to accept that everything is filtered through our beliefs, attitudes, upbringing past experiences. Knowing that we look for the common threads and manifestations consistently over time to help assess what could conceivably be  "truth." The one common theme within all great doctrines is love and striving to "love more" is the framework for everything else we say and do.

Loving behaviors towards others do not include judgments, condemnations, superiority, bigotry, pride, control and belittling. Those who keep their heart-minds open have more compassion and respect for differences. With love as a core belief they allow others to create life as they see fit...without demeaning the path they are on.

In our view...we are from One Source and come into life to learn, grow and change. Often those changes come about after making some less than discerning choices and having to account for them. Perceptions about "truth" are in reality...just that. Perceptions based on teachings passed down by others and eventually integrated as one's own. Even when perception becomes one reality and form of truth...there is no saying that it actually is...even though many claim otherwise.
Opening up to hear a variety of views and using basic critical thinking skills is a good way avoid becoming stuck and self-righteou

We hold to the idea that with  enough love and unity humanity could resolve all the problems we are facing.  Those who kill, plunder, create hate and fear in the name of any God invariably create polarity. In comparison  those who are examples of love, compassion and faith inspire others to create positive change.  In our view that life would be a lot less complicated if we could all focus on causing harm to none and building consensus rather than diverseness.

If I had a wish for this year it would be that people would research their positions, consider more than one side of things, source out where and from whom they are getting their information from and tip the kaleidoscopic enough to see things from another perspective before putting their opinions out there without encouraging people to verify things for themselves.  Of late things often  feel rather surreal as we become more “real.” We see distortions in thinking in a variety of trends in the media, on the internet, forums, in politics, religion, the entertainment industry and it appears there is more cult-like brain-washing than ever before because mass media fuels it.

Our approach to fact finding came under the mentorship of an old hard news reporter. In one of our many discussions he lamented that current journalists no longer spend needed time to gather different sides to the story and keep their personal views out of it. He said that old reporters were trained in ways that encouraged the readership to assess things for themselves through informed sources. Not so today. There are far more “pontificating pendants” than media reporters and Bloggers both amateur and professional tout their opinions as the Gospel according to whomever. 

The spiritual perspectives we offer are ones based in an abiding respect for the opinions of others...whether we agree or disagree.  They are just those…offerings. Comments and feedback are always welcome...all we ask is that exchanges be conducted in a spirit of...respectful dialog.

 




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